A Moment With A Gentleman: Begin Again: Overcoming The Fear of Releasing and Re-Starting

So the relationship is on its last leg, your intuitions have been confirmed. Everything your homeboys mentioned that resembled jealousy or jokes seems to be more real than ever. Your forgiveness meter is empty and your desires have been ignored for the last time. You contemplate the exit. You have every reason to walk away, you tell yourself you deserve better. You come up with psychological quotes to trick yourself like; “getting half of a person or their efforts means hurting all of me.” I made that up. Ok…back on track. So what’s keeping you in this situation? It’s a question I’ve asked myself multiple times. I knew it was over but I tricked myself into believing the tide would change. I am not telling you to irrationally abort a relationship due to conflict, disagreement or issues. These are common. But….

What I am directing you to do is cut the cord of fear that ties you into uncomfortable relationships because of the time invested, hope for change with no effort shown and relationships that drain you of your peace and neglects your needs to be re-filled. 


Our comfort zones in relationships and life offers us the threatening but appealing opportunity of not growing beyond our issues and the places we’ve settled. Relationships are often a canvas that we paint our fear on. The Fear of testing new grounds or aborting what’s comfortable but not complementary is always prevalent. It is normal to magnify the complexities of establishing something new, before assessing the benefits. The pulsating thoughts normally come from the possible pain that can occur. All of the possibilities are from the past and this limits or prevents your present experience. We rarely allow the mere possibility of new relationships being powerful, refreshing or significantly more rewarding than our last convince us to close the door on what holds us captive. The apprehensive debate that surfaces in the midst of a transition from something that left you bitter or cold can be crippling. Some are so crippling that we decide to stay in situations that are only crutches. So how do you get over the fear of moving forward? When time, money and years have been invested, plans have been made and your heart has been captured. You are at a place where you reason with the impossible and daunting task of finding someone who treated you as good as they once did. How about finding someone who will never treat you the way that caused you to check out and become emotionally detached.

“Here are 5 Thoughts that will help you to Move Forward”

1.) You will Love again, maybe many times:

The idea of never finding what you had is detrimental and depressing. If it failed you shouldn’t want to find that again. Focus on finding love not a love like you once had…but one much better. You should have faith that you will discover the kind of connection that leaves you whole and confident that you’ve made the right choice.

2.) No individual has the secrets to winning your heart:
The CIA has not sold the intelligence to your ex on how to love you. You sub – consciously taught them how to love you and you can do it again. Your openness to being convinced that you deserve love attracts people capable of giving that love.

3.) There’s more time in front of you than behind you:
Often we get attached to the time spent and not the lessons learned.

4.) Fresh starts are a part of bitter endings:
It’s necessary and if you neglect to accept that you’ll find yourself becoming bitter and believing that all men or women are the same.

5.) Your ex was your ex and not your next:

The complication in breaking away from an ex always signals or gives insight on how the next person will be analyzed and assessed. Don’t fall into a comparison slump. You’re comparing someone whom you’ve gave the answers to the test to a student whom has just enrolled. Men and ladies have a tendency to score based on their exes best moments before seeing the New prospect at their best or through seasons.

Brian J. Williams

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