He Say: Monogamy
written by: ronald p. clark
Here’s my personal paraphrase of a popular saying: ‘A boy loves a million women one way, but a man loves one woman a million ways.’ You’ve heard this before in some variation. But it seems like this saying gets too much laughter as its reaction. Infidelity has become so commonplace, it is almost an expectation. It’s bound to happen so let it happen. Why should a woman expect anything less than a man with wayward loins?
The sentiment is tired. You reach a certain age when the ability to brag to your boys about the number of women you’ve plowed through becomes redundant, old. Now yes, it’s easier to take this man if he’s single and still rippin’ and runnin’. He is well within his rights to continue to sow his royal oats. Do you, bruh. But those men who have consciously committed themselves to a woman, going against that bond makes life more difficult than it should be.
I’m not saying it is easy. They’re different types of difficult. Staying in a monogamous relationship takes energy, effort, patience and tunnel vision. One of my boys right now still has to refute constant offers from women, women who are well aware of his relationship status and commitment to his girlfriend. That’s part of the difficulty.
As a man, the conquering of women is imbedded in our minds at an early age. We see quantity over quality early. And if your quantity is full of quality – in other words, all you do is pull dope women – then even better.
So if a man has the opportunity to have a legion of women all the time with no commitment, why stick to one woman? Why monogamy? It’s honestly hard to say. But one thing is for certain. Having to hide, sneak and lie to your woman about your side situations takes a lot out of a man. It’s a 24/7 job trying to make sure you don’t get caught. But, in the words of my good friend Chris Porter, ‘guys are economists’. We prefer to do the bare minimum to achieve a goal. Adding another 24/7 gig is actually against our makeup.
Men are already at a disadvantage because we struggle with multi-tasking. Then to top it off, men are involved with the world’s greatest detectives – women. This combination is usually what leads to the innumerable amount of men who end up getting caught and throwing away relationships because they slip up and let it be known that they, too, are a stereotypical man whose wang isn’t selective on its destination at night as long as there is one.
There is just something naturally beautiful about monogamy. Whether it is witnessing the building of a relationship, of a family, or seeing two best friends in love, or seeing an elderly couple who have been together for 40-something years still going strong. There’s something amazing about that kind of love. And 9.869 times out of 10, it’s monogamous.
A relationship is hard work. Staying with one person with all of their flaws and weaknesses and their humanity isn’t easy. Nobody is perfect so there are no perfect relationships. And sometimes that is just enough of a reason to go find a side piece. It takes away from the monotony of monogamy and adds a necessary danger that we humans seem to be after, that something different. But the true testament of a man (and a woman) is finding a way to keep the monotony out of monogamy.
What attracts us to each other in the first place is that feeling of new, that giddiness about not knowing what to expect. Whether it is one mistake or a repeat offender, infidelity is about that new feeling. Only it’s temporary. There isn’t any depth. There isn’t any true passion. There’s no love.
If that’s what you want, then I guess there’s nothing that can be said to the contrary. But, you’re missing out.