She Say: Monogamy
The other said, “Love is cursed by monogamy.” –Kanye West
My homegirl’s second boyfriend has a wife and his wife has a girlfriend and everyone is cool with that.
If that just confused you, it should. They’re practicing polyamory: practice, desire, or acceptance of having more than one intimate relationship at a time with the knowledge and consent of everyone involved (Wikipedia). Although polyamory is no new phenomenon, it is something that’s becoming quite prevalent amongst African-American couples. But wait; let’s not confuse polyamory with polygamy (multiple marriage), poly sexuality (attraction to multiple genders and/or sexes), and open relationships (get-it-popping-with-whom-you-like-and-then-come-home-to-me).
The list goes on.
In the land of poly-everything and sexual freedom, I know one thing is absolutely certain. I ain’t with it.
Issue number one, I’m selfish. I pushed kids off swings as a child, for my ascending breeze and glory. Number two; I don’t trust too many people. I’m not giving my body to anyone who’s involved with other folks that I’m not fully educated on. STD’s are real. Three, I’m a Christian. I am absolutely sure Eve only had one husband.
However, I’m not here to lecture with religion. I’m here to defend my belief in monogamy.
I heard somewhere that love is finding the counterpart of your soul in another human being. I believe this. The man that I’m head over heels in love with is my counterpart. His idiosyncrasies supplement my own, creating an everlasting equilibrium.
When I’m loud and abrasive, his subtle demeanor calms my own; bring my roar to a lull. When I’m annoyed and ready to go, his patience always finds resolution.
When my mood sours and dances with melancholy, his awkward humor invigorates my spirit.
It is difficult to single out idiosyncrasies. The little peculiar flaws we try to hide, sit and wait under our tongues and fingernails; waiting for a way out. Time and longevity are an idiosyncrasy’s weakness.
I’m not talking about characteristics. The general things don’t really matter when it comes to relationships. His perfect smile or silent tone will not thrust you to the boundary of staying or going.
It’s the little things that will keep you in limbo. It’s the way his fingers tap against tables when he’s nervous. It will be the way his lips seem to curve upward, as if he’s smiling when you’re kissing. It’s the sound he makes, right before dawn breaks, and he realizes that he’s still by your side.
Only monogamy can whisper you these things.
It will whisper loneliness when his space in the bed is bereft of his dent. It will tell you precisely what he’s doing, even when your eyes are turned. It will allow for even the most nails-scratching-chalkboard of flaws to camouflage into your everyday environment.
It will tell you precisely what you’re getting into.
For the women/men who are willing to share, I commend you. It is a brave and dangerous task to split yourselves in places you spout emotion and toil.
To answer a question I’ve heard one too many horrendous times, “Who practices monogamy anymore?”
I am one who believes in the power of reaffirming. I believe in the power of unrequited love: A solace that swoons over you and burns bright every time you’re in your significant other’s presence. You will beam, knowing your solidity is founded within the bond between JUST you two.
You’ll take pride in knowing that you are no one’s halve, but that you are whole.
Written by Riva Flowz